How To Focus On What You Can Control -vs- What You Cannot Control

By: Elizabeth Koblenz, LMSW

While there are many things in life that you can control, there are also many things in life that you cannot. For example, during the COVID-19 Pandemic, focusing on what you can control and the things you knew for certain was difficult as it was a time where many felt scared and worried. It can feel challenging and frustrating to be in a situation where you cannot prevent something from happening. When focusing on things you cannot control it can often cause added stress and anxiety to the situation. When this happens, shifting your mindset to focus on what is happening in the present moment, or on what you can control, can be helpful to put the situation into a more solutions-focused perspective. It can also be empowering to have the tools to shift your mindset!

Here are some tips to help focus on what you can control in situations that feel out of your control:

1)    Identify what is causing worry or the stressor of what you cannot control: It can be helpful to recognize what it is that is happening in your life that you cannot control. Identifying this stressor can be crucial in pivoting to focus on what you can control. Often times there is so much time spent worrying about things that may be happening or what will possibly happen, which can cause stress and anxiety, when so often these events do not even actually happen. These are unproductive thoughts and may cloud your mind from seeing things that are happening that are positive. Try to write down what you are worried about or what you cannot control. Seeing this visually can also help recognize that this may be out of your control and allow you to move onto things you can control, which in turn, is more productive.

2)    Recognize what you can control: When you write down what you cannot control, it will help to allow you to see what you can control. For example, as many worked from home during the pandemic, they could still control their daily routine by creating structure and schedules that fit with their work calendar. This helped to keep things as “normal” as possible and allowed for the control of day-to-day routine. Challenging yourself to recognize what is within the limits of your control can also aid in focusing on that aspect of the anxiety instead of focusing on things you cannot change.

3)    Lean into your thoughts and feelings: When thinking about what is in your control and what is not, it is important to focus on how you are feeling in these moments. Try to think about what you feel. You can try to pay attention to these feelings and what they mean to us by practicing mindfulness and acknowledge the things you are feeling. This strategy can also help to let go of the negative thoughts and feelings you are feeling in situations where you lack control.

4)    Find ways to manage your stress: Feeling out of control in situations can feel really overwhelming and stressful. Finding ways to manage your stress can help to minimize the negative feelings you may be experiencing. Think about what activities help calm your body and write them down. Then, make sure to find a time to actually do them! Not only will these activities help calm your body, but they will also help redirect your thoughts and focus on taking your stress into your control! Take some time for self-care!

It can be challenging to navigate through events and situations that we cannot control. See if you can challenge yourself to be aware of why you may not be able to control a situation, or what the specific trigger is that is causing stress. If you want to learn more about focusing on what we can and cannot control, or even to just talk through these feelings, reach out to Upsider Therapy today at hello@upsidertherapy.com.