By: Lexi Nass, LMSW

For some, a good day can be defined by being productive, experiencing success or accomplishments, good weather, good conversations, or even participating in activities that make us feel good. 

Oftentimes, we can be so hard on ourselves and forget the fact that we’re human beings with emotions and feelings, and that life can throw us obstacles. In reality, not every day is going to look the same or be filled with those certain things that comprise our “perfect day”. It is important to normalize the idea that it’s okay to have an “off day”. It is okay to have moments during your day or throughout your week where you feel down, sad, stressed, or angry. Sometimes we may not even be able to explain or reason why we are in a funk. 

As individuals, it is common for our emotions and feelings to be influenced by accomplishments or productivity. We feel good about ourselves when we are productive and when we complete tasks. However, it is just as important to also take a step back and allow ourselves to be okay with not having as much of a productive day. It is important to listen to our body and our mind when they tell us to rest or when we feel in a “funk”. It’s important to allow ourselves to embrace these feelings of sadness or anxiety, rather than forcing yourself to push those emotions away. Remind yourself that whatever you’re feeling in that moment is temporary, this feeling will eventually pass and it’s not going to last forever. 

Self-Compassion: Part of the process of accepting an ‘off day’ is having more self-compassion and being more understanding with yourself. Most often, we feel a constant urge to always be “on”, to always be happy, and be productive; we feel a need for everyday to be “perfect”. If you allow yourself to shift your mindset to feel those emotions of an ‘off day’ and tell yourself they are temporary, it will feel more common and acceptable to normalize the idea that not every day is going to be perfect, and that is OKAY! By validating these experiences for yourself, you will give yourself permission to be more accepting of your feelings.   

Solutions Focused Approaches: While we may not have control of the things causing us to be in a funk, we can control what we do in these moments to help us feel better. For example, try to focus on finding things that work for YOU that make you feel good. Ask yourself- “what can I do right now to make myself feel better?” There is not a one size fits all answer; what may be helpful to one person may not work for you. It may even be helpful to compile a list of activities that DO help you feel better. Making a menu of your favorite “feel good activities” or keeping a list in your phone is a great way to have quick and reliable access when needed. Some examples may include: going for a walk, listening to music, taking a hot shower or bath, grabbing coffee with friends, or taking your favorite workout class. Channeling your energy and mindset into more productive or pleasurable activities can be a great way to help you cope during these times.

Learn Your Love Language: As a bonus, if you are feeling stuck on how to come up with ideas on how to navigate this feeling, identifying your “self- love language” can be a great way to help you determine what activities may be most helpful to you. This is based on the philosophy of the five love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, and acts of service. These concepts are used to explain the different ways we show or perceive love. Identifying your “primary love language” provides insight into what you need in order to feel love and support in relationships with others. Identifying your primary love language can be helpful to better understand how you can show yourself love is the most effective way; this would be considered your “self-love language”. Choosing activities based on your self- love language allows you to find activities that align most with your needs: 

• Physical touch: receiving a hug, getting a massage, foot massage, snuggling, laying with a soft blanket, back scratching

• Words of affirmation: writing down daily affirmations, journaling, write yourself sticky notes with compliments, positive self-talk

• Gifts: shopping, buy yourself flowers, buy yourself a coffee, get a manicure/pedicure, treat yourself to your favorite takeout meal

• Quality time: reading, workout, taking a bath and light candles and listening to your favorite music, go on a walk by yourself, meditate,

• Acts of service: cleaning your room, organizing your closets, cooking, baking your favorite dessert

If you are interested in learning more about how to cope with different obstacles that may come in your way, feel free to reach out today to hello@upsidertherapy.com or give us a call at 646-494-4878.