Part One: How to Navigate Family Gatherings During the Holidays
By: Elizabeth Koblenz, LMSW
As the holidays are approaching, everyone is getting excited and ready to start spending quality time with loved ones. Last year we were hopeful for a vaccine and this year, now that the vaccine is here, we can gather with loved ones and feel a bit more comfortable. People are beginning to travel again for the holidays and thrilled to see their loved ones again. It is understandable that you might feel a bit anxious even though you and your family members are vaccinated and, in some cases, boosted. Furthermore, it is important to acknowledge that you and your family members may still be wary of in-person interactions! Some family members may even be experiencing social anxiety when they are around a big group of people after almost two years of not doing so. Navigating family dynamics can be challenging, and that is okay! Here are some tips to help alleviate these challenges, especially during the holiday season:
1) Remember what brings you together and focus on the traditions you value together. Get excited about your previous traditions and try to uphold them when you are all together. Try to be present and enjoy the moments together! This may be a time when everyone feels nostalgia and reminisces about past family events. Did you all play dreidel and eat chocolate together on Hannukah? Do you all wear Santa hats and open presents under the tree together? Cherish the importance of family and traditions after quite the intermission and focus on keeping those traditions alive!
2) Appreciate the freedom of being able to partake in activities that we couldn’t do during the quarantine and shutdown. Not only can you try to embrace being with your extended family again but take advantage of all the different activities you can do together. Go to the museum that has a new exhibit, watch the newest movie releases with a box of candy or popcorn at a local theater, or go to your family’s favorite restaurant. Think about all the amazing activities you used to do with family and plan to do them. Planning can also hold you accountable to actually doing the activity together!
3) You are in control of how you feel and how you react. You can’t control how family may react or what they may say in response to certain topics. If being with family makes you feel stressed, try to walk away, and take deep breaths. If your family continuously talks about the pandemic and this is something that triggers you, kindly ask to speak about another topic. Take this time to focus on things that feel happy, and if certain topics do not elicit those feelings, do what you can to control your part in the conversation!
4) Set clear boundaries. Everyone has different comfort levels after experiencing the pandemic. If your family wants to go somewhere or do something that you are not comfortable with, speak up. Generate other ideas of what you can do as a group that will make you feel comfortable. Communicate your boundaries so that everyone is aware of what you are or are not okay with. It is important to remember that not everyone is going to be able to respect those boundaries. At the end of the day, try to focus on doing what makes you feel comfortable. There is no need to feel obligated to stay at a family event if you don’t feel comfortable!
Holidays can be a stressful time, but they can also bring joy and excitement! Remember to focus on what you can and do what feels comfortable for you. We are here to support you whether it is before, during, or after seeing your family. Reach out today to hello@upsidertherapy.com to learn more about coping skills while navigating family dynamics.