The Importance of Independence in a Relationship

By: Lexi Nass, LCSW

Being in a relationship can feel good and exciting when both you and your partner enjoy a lot of the same activities and love to spend time doing the things you each love, together. While it is important to spend quality time together, it’s equally as important to find separate time for yourself. Prioritizing doing the things that bring you joy, rather than having to compromise for your partner, will allow you be the best version of yourself and show up for your partner and your relationship in the most effective way. Now, I am not sitting here saying you should never compromise, but it is important to think about how to take part in a solo activity every once in a while, too.  By establishing and maintaining independence within your relationship, you can stay true to your own values and what is important to you, which in turn helps prevent “losing” yourself while being committed to someone else. Sometimes it can feel challenging to maintain a sense of autonomy with your partner. Here are some tips to help you foster and re-establish a sense of independence within your relationship:

Continue to do the things you loved to do before being in a relationship- Being in a relationship where you can enjoy activities together is great, but that doesn’t mean you should forgo the activities you used to enjoy before the relationship, even if your partner is not interested or it is something you prefer to do alone. Consider this time “you” time and cherish the conversation with your partner after where you can tell them how it was to partake in an activity by yourself.

Maintain your friendships- Prioritize and make time for your friendships. While you can enjoy time with your friends and partner together, it is also important to carve out your own time dedicated to being with your friends. Balancing time between your relationship and your friendships can feel challenging at times, so setting time aside to spend time with your friends in advance can be helpful. 

Stick to your goals and your passions and encourage your partner to do the same- Being in a relationship is about pushing and encouraging each other to continue to focus on pursuing independent future goals. It’s important to continue to go after what you want and motivate each other to work towards your independent goals.

Prioritize self-care practices- Whatever self-care means to you, prioritize your self-care and do the things that make you feel your best self. Self-care can mean maintaining a healthy lifestyle, cooking healthy meals, doing a weekly face mask, treating yourself to a manicure, going to therapy, going for walks, or journaling. Incorporating the things that bring you joy and make you feel good will allow you to prioritize “you” time, which is so important.

Try new hobbies and experiences- Allow yourself to try new things that interest you, even if they do not interest your partner. Take risks, challenge yourself, and do things that excite you. There are so many different opportunities available to join different sporting clubs or community programs. Whether it’s a kickball league, a volunteer group, dance classes, cooking classes, or a community service trip, find activities to sign up for that pique your interest or activities that you’ve been wanting to try. 

Set boundaries- Ask for what you want and communicate your needs. Making compromises is part of being in a healthy relationship, but it’s also important to set boundaries that feel good for you. Rather than making sacrifices, which may lead to feelings of resentment, stay true to your beliefs, and communicate when boundaries are feeling blurred. 

If you are someone that struggles with finding time for yourself or has a hard time setting boundaries in your relationship and want to learn more tips on maintaining independence, reach out to us at hello@upsidertherapy.com to schedule a consultation.