Coping with Break Up Blues

By: Mikayla Greeley, LMSW

Unfortunately, heartbreak happens. At one point in our lives, we will all be faced with the experience of the demise of a relationship. Whether the relationship was long or short-term, the emotions that come with its ending can feel equally painful. When a relationship ends, there are parts of our lives that inevitably must change with it. Depending on the circumstances, a break-up may impact your routines, living situations, friendships, and even value systems, which can be difficult to cope with in itself, on top of the already emotional strain caused by the ending of the partnership. 

The emotions that may come up during a break-up can feel difficult to manage, overwhelming, and even sometimes, confusing. Here are some tips to help navigate a breakup:

Feel your feelings. It is so important to normalize the emotional reactions that come up during this time. While some people will often quote the “Five Stages of Grief”, it is rarely so linear and concrete. Many people will cite sadness as being the primary emotion after a break-up, however, others may notice anger, shame, loneliness, and hopelessness. All of these feelings can lead to self-isolation and other self-sabotaging behaviors that often keep us feeling stuck. When the different waves of emotions take over, it can feel cathartic to allow them to have their moment without immediately pushing them away. Moreover, feeling your feelings when they bubble to the surface can reinforce healthy processing and acceptance, which in turn will actually help you heal!

Seek out supports. Emotions that can come up following a break-up can often lead someone to self-isolate, over-think, and even avoid the people that keep them steady. This is why it is critical to share your experiences with loved ones, friends, and family. These are the people who you may be able to lean on during this difficult time. The ways in which you utilize your supports can depend on your comfortability; it could be an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or a companion so that you don’t have to go at it alone. Regardless, these are the people who can keep you on track and provide assistance while you focus on managing the rollercoaster of emotions you may be on. 

Create your own closure. It can be helpful in one’s healing to establish distance from the relationship that is activating these emotional experiences. There can be many ways of getting your mind off the break-up but undeniably, a road block in the process is keeping contact with that former partner. However, while cutting off contact is one of the most effective ways to create closure, some people may need to find other ways to end ties. Some may find that writing a letter to their ex describing their feelings can be effective in making sure that nothing feels left unsaid, while others may rely on distraction to create this mental separation, such as starting a new routine or planning a trip. Altogether, establishing closure is necessary for healing and helps create the space needed for a start fresh, shifted mindset, and even new connections. 

If you are going through a breakup and are looking for some support,. we are here to help. Reach out to hello@upsidertherapy.com today to schedule a consultation!