By: Elizabeth Koblenz, LMSW

Friendships are an important aspect of our lives.  Friendships can provide shared happiness and support through big life milestones, along with providing a support system that is outside of family. Our friends can help share perspectives that we cannot necessarily see ourselves. As with any relationship, friendships need attention and time. Friendships take work and energy to sustain, but, can be incredibly rewarding. Sometimes a friendship doesn’t sustain long-term as you find your goals don’t align with each other, and that is okay! Friendships may serve different purposes for us in different parts of our lives, and growing apart (or closer) is natural. It is important to reflect on different friendships to see which ones may need more energy, improvement or distance. Here are some tips to improving friendships: 

1.     Communicate openly: This tip is two-fold. First, it is important to keep regular communication with your friends. If you don’t check in with how they are doing or reach out to make plans, the friendship will likely eventually dwindle. Call your friends to check in how they are doing and make plans to have dinner every once in a while.  Maybe a friend is planning a wedding; check in with them to see how wedding planning is going. A small text or call can go a long way. Not only is it important to reach out regularly to your friends, but it is also just as important to communicate your feelings with your friends if you feel hurt. Sometimes a friend may do something to hurt your feelings and they may not realize it or intended to. It is important to communicate respectfully with your friends and share your perspective. A friendship is all about learning and navigating people’s feelings so that everyone can grow and learn from the experience. While it is important to communicate hurt, it is equally as important to communicate a positive experience you had with a friend. Share how fun it was to get together and use that as momentum to plan another get-together!

2.     Be there: Just as it is important for us to check in with our friends on a regular basis, we also lean on our friends when we need them most. Your friend may go through the loss of a loved one or go through a new life change such as having a baby or getting married. Be there for your friend for these milestones and/or hard times by checking in or by making plans. Even if they don’t say anything to you, people often need and want their friend for the love and support a friend can provide. If a friend is going through a loss, along with providing support to them, ask them if they need help with things such as an errand they may need to get done. Offering to help with the smallest of tasks can go a long way. Your friend may not ask for help out of feeling they are imposing on you, so be the one who asks to take that burden off of them. 

3.     Apologize when needed: In one point of our lives or another, we have probably hurt a friend. Sometimes we don’t even realize it. Maybe we didn’t show up enough for our friends or said something we didn’t mean. If a friend points something out that you did to hurt them, be mindful of their words and feelings. It is important to apologize when needed to improve friendships and make them stronger. Friendships have ups and downs. We make mistakes and that’s okay! However, it’s what we do to fix our mistakes that is crucial to mending the rift. To create a stronger bond, acknowledge that you may have hurt your friend and talk to them on ways to improve next time. Forgiveness is just as important as apologizing  in order for a friendship to continue to evolve. 

4.     Express gratitude: Make sure to tell your friends that you love and care about them! Let them know you are thankful for their friendship and everything they do for you. If a friend goes above and beyond for a special milestone for you, be sure to show them your appreciation. No two friends are the same and no two relationships are the same. One friend may be better about communicating daily than others, but that friend may show you support in different ways. You can simply send a thank you text, or bring them a cup of coffee as a thank you! There are so many different ways you can show gratitude to your friend, and you can get creative with it!  

Overall, friendships require time, energy, support, and love. Friendships evolve and go through phases, and it is important to recognize that they continue to evolve throughout our lives. The friends that continue to show up for both the small events and the big events are ones to be truly celebrated and nurtured. If you feel you need more tips on how to improve friendships, reach out to hello@upsidertherapy.com today!