By: Brooke Phelps, LCSW

You may have read Part One: How to Navigate Family Gatherings During the Holidays. Welcome to Part Two: How to Set Boundaries With Family During the Holidays.

Let’s face it: the holidays can be complicated. Whether you love it or dread it, the holiday season can pose challenges. Between travel, expenses, time, food, family dynamics, the pandemic, and changes in routine, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed or exhausted! Whatever your personal relationship with the holiday season is, this time of year offers great opportunities to set healthy boundaries to keep you feeling balanced and prepared for not only the holiday time spent with family, but also to bring with you into the New Year. Here are some ideas and tips around setting healthy boundaries during the holidays to get the most out of the season.  

1.     Get comfortable saying no! This time of year is busy – between work deadlines, finals, holiday parties, out of town visitors, shopping, cooking, etc., it’s important to be realistic about what you can and want to do to avoid overextending yourself or end up neglecting your priorities. If you struggle to say ‘no’ despite feeling exhausted or burnt out, it’s important to remember a couple of things. First, ‘no’ is a complete sentence. You don’t always owe further explanation because you know yourself best, and your confidence in your decision is reason enough! Second, it’s okay to disappoint people to stay true to you; in fact, it’s a necessary part of life. People may not always like the boundaries you set, but that’s for them to worry about – not you! Third, saying no is not selfish; it’s actually the opposite. Setting healthy boundaries allows you to show up with the best version of yourself. So, when you notice yourself ‘people pleasing,’ it’s usually a good sign to stop and reflect on what you need and ensure you’re getting that first. 

2.     Manage expectations in advance. When possible, it can be helpful to discuss your availability, your routines, and perhaps most importantly, which conversation topics you are unwilling to discuss. This is beneficial for a few reasons. First, it gives others the opportunity to process and plan accordingly, which can be incredibly helpful, as new boundaries take some getting used to. Second, it prevents hasty decision-making or irrational reactions, which can be more difficult to manage in the moment when something comes as a surprise. 

3.     Remember that you are not responsible for other people’s emotions. It can be uncomfortable and challenging when someone responds poorly to you setting healthy boundary, but remember why this boundary is important to you and focus on what you can and cannot control. Feelings come and go, so remember, they will get over it and once they do, you will feel empowered and confident that you maintained your boundaries.  

4.     Take time to yourself when you need it. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, it’s important to continue doing the things that help you recharge. If finding the time or space to do so has been tricky in the past, get creative and think ahead of ways you can adapt helpful routines to fit the environment. Keeping a flexible mindset encourages you to look for opportunities to do things for yourself, rather than feeling like this busy time of year doesn’t allow time for self-care. 

Everyone experiences the holidays differently, so kindness and compassion can go a long way this time of year. Remember to show yourself with the same courtesy and respect you show others and get the most out of this holiday season. If you are having trouble setting boundaries around the holiday season, or want to learn more about how to feel more in control of your time, feel free to reach out to us today at hello@upsidertherapy.com to learn how. We can’t wait to hear from you!