By: Lexi Nass, LCSW

Are you someone that dreads their birthday because it causes anxiety? Do you often find yourself feeling sad around your birthday? If you answered yes to any of those questions, you are definitely not alone! Experiencing the birthday blues is very real and totally valid. Birthdays can bring up a lot of complicated emotions for people, no matter what your age may be.

When loved ones and friends cannot understand or relate to how you feel, this can often lead to feelings of frustration and resentment. While the intention of wanting to celebrate your special day seems good and happy in their mind, they may not realize how it makes you feel, or consider how you may want to celebrate your birthday.

There are many reasons to experience the birthday blues. Some common reasons are fear of aging, traumatic or unhappy birthday experiences in the past, fear of disappointment in how others will acknowledge or celebrate your birthday, not having a loved one around to celebrate with, or not feeling worthy of being celebrated. While there could be many different reasons that influence certain feelings about your birthday, you also may not even know why you experience sadness, which is completely normal too.

If you are someone that experiences sad or mixed feelings around your birthday, here are some tips to help you cope:

Acknowledge your feelings: Allow yourself to embrace whatever you are feeling during this time without feeling ashamed or guilty. Practicing self-compassion during this time is important to help remind yourself that your feelings are valid. It may also be helpful to consider why these feelings are coming up for you and if there are ways to address them.

Set boundaries: Communicate with loved ones and friends and let them know how you feel about your birthday. This can help decrease any worries about what the plans will be as your birthday gets closer and everyone can be aware of what you want. For example, you may be okay with going out to eat at your favorite restaurant, but may not want to receive any gifts, or have any bigger celebrations.

Manage expectations: Oftentimes, having high expectations are associated with a birthday, which can often lead to feelings of disappointment. Whether there are certain expectations around how you celebrate, gifts received, or how others will acknowledge your birthday, it’s important to consider what is most important to you. Managing expectations also means being realistic of what others can and WILL do. For example, if there is a birthday party and certain people cannot attend- that is reality. Creating a plan can help manage your expectations and therefore help alleviate any associated anxiety as your birthday approaches.

Stay true to yourself: Celebrate in a way that feels good to you, rather than in a way that you THINK you should be celebrating, or how others want to celebrate you. For example, if you love pizza and being with your friends, throw a pizza party! Similarly, if you are someone who enjoys going out at night, find a night that works for those you want to invite, and coordinate a night out together.

If you are someone that experiences a difficult time during or around your birthday, we get it. Birthdays can bring up a lot of complicated emotions. If you are interested in better understanding your feelings and want to learn more tips on how to cope during this time, reach out to us today at Hello@upsidertherapy.com to schedule consultation.